No. 621 – Heroes

Performer: David Bowie

Songwriters: David Bowie, Brian Eno

Original Release: Single, Heroes

Year: 1977

Definitive Version: Live Aid bootleg, 1985. I love the extended band-presenting intro featuring Thomas Dolby (yes, that one) on eerie synth.

I needed a gig for the long summer between Wabash and Northwestern in 1986. I had served three shifts at Food World, and after all of my media experiences in the past year, I wanted to do something different. I tried for an internship, but nothing was available in Columbus, even at the local weekly.

But I saw an ad one weekend for what appeared to be an interesting and profitable venture. I had to show up with a resume at an office building north of I-270 in Worthington. Except when I got there, the office wasn’t an office. It was a room with tables and chairs that was nondescript except for its 1970s style dark wood paneling on each wall.

When I arrived, maybe six other people—men and women, all young and all in suits or dresses, like I was—were already on the scene. One of the candidates was a guy I recognized from Wabash, which I wasn’t expecting, so it felt good to have a comrade in arms.

The interviewer began his spiel, and the nature of the business instantly was revealed. We were to be pitchfolk for a multilevel-marketing outfit in the way of Mary Kay. Our product: knives. I seem to recall that the name of the brand was Chicago Cutlery, except that that’s a mass-retail product, so either I’m wrong or it changed its strategy.

He demonstrated the product, which seemed to be pretty incredible, and said our job was to go and do likewise. We then had to take a quick written test. At this point, one of the women got up and split. I, too, was feeling uncomfortable about this but decided to stick it out.

The interviewer brought each of the remaining candidates into his office one-by-one, apparently to tell us whether we’d be hired. I was one of the first ones to be called in, and he offered me the job (which, I’m pretty sure, now that I know more about those types of businesses, is what he told everyone). He said he would call with more details in a few days.

I left feeling great that I got the gig but a bit creeped out by the whole thing. It seemed shady. When I talked about it with my family and Beth, I decided that it might not be a bad thing. My reasoning was that I wasn’t very good at approaching people I didn’t know—a necessary skill as a reporter, which I was planning on being—and this would help with that.

They were dubious, and the truth is I couldn’t shake the feeling in the back of my head that this was a questionable operation. I soon began to doubt my resolve. I could empathize with the woman who ran out, and I wished I had done the same.

So at this point, I went in to Food World to see Todd. Do you have anything available? Need some help? Not only did he say he did, but he then made me an offer I couldn’t refuse: Would I be interested in being the assistant produce clerk? It was a slight promotion from bagger with a little more money. I’d still have to answer the bell when it got busy enough, but I’d be almost last on call. It also meant early hours—6 a.m. arrival. I took it.

I called the interviewer to tell him of my decision to take a different job, but I got no answer that day, or the next. He had no answering machine, so I couldn’t leave a message. And he never called me back as he said he would at the interview.

I never did hear from him again. That I didn’t made me more confident that I had made the right decision after all—at least until that first morning when I got up at 5 a.m. to go back to work at Food World. Ugh!