Performer: Live
Songwriters: Ed Kowalczyk, Chad Taylor, Patrick Dahlheimer, Chad
Gracey
Original Release: Mental Jewelry
Year: 1991
Definitive Version: None
Before everything went dark
in my relationship with Dad’s side of the family, there was one final
confrontation in 1995. I had announced, as was proper given the information,
that Debbie and I were moving in together. Obviously, my Dad should have my
address.
Dad and Laura took this as
their opportunity to take one final shot at getting us to see the error of our
ways, as if anything they would say would affect anything. I agreed to a
meeting, because I thought it would give us one more chance to explain
ourselves, as if anything we would have to say would affect anything. In
retrospect, I should have just said thanks but no thanks.
They came over to my
apartment in German Village in June 1995, and I set up chairs in which Debbie
and I would sit—not together so as to not incite anything. I didn’t want anyone
to react emotionally. While I was at it, I might as well have wanted to win the
lottery that week. I would have had about as much of a chance at success.
So, yeah, the whole thing
went over like the Hindenburg. Our conversation consisted entirely of Laura
reading a letter and us not being able to respond to it in any way. Debbie at
one point asked to see the letter, and Dad shut her down forthwith, saying we
weren’t going to get into it. Seeing there was no reason to continue the
meeting if we weren’t going to be able to speak, it broke up soon after that
with nothing resolved other than we still were moving in together and Debbie
would never be included in anything family related.
Debbie ripped into me
afterward, saying I didn’t defend her, and for a while after, she reminded me
of that. I did, no question, but I didn’t to the extent that she wanted. I
could see her point—she was supposedly the bad girl in all of this, which was
ridiculous.
But I was in a pickle. I was
trying to walk the tightrope to produce a favorable outcome, when in reality,
there was no chance of that. After I realized that, I was just as mad that I
didn’t react more strongly. If Dad and Laura were just going to blow up any
attempt at building a bridge anyway, why not just burn it down first?
So began the nuclear winter
in my relationship with my Dad’s side of the family. I went over to their house
once a year—for Christmas—as I mentioned. And I stopped going to Torch Lake.
Why should I if a huge part of my life not only wasn’t invited but couldn’t
even be mentioned? The last time I went to Torch Lake until 2001 was for a
family wedding in September 1995, shortly after Debbie and I saw Live do this
song at Polaris.
It was a miserable time.
Here’s how much fun I had at my cousin Amy’s wedding to Ted, who were firmly
Team Dad & Laura: I don’t even remember where it was held. My memory was in
Traverse City, but Scott and I talked recently, and he said it was in Elk
Rapids. I remember nothing about the ceremony itself or the reception other
than feeling isolated. I know I was there, but I attach nothing to it.
But I didn’t care. Debbie
and I had just moved into our new apartment, and we were about to head to
Northern California for the first time. Our relationship was going great, and I
was certain I had made the right decision. One door was closed on me, but the
sun was shining through another door, and I willingly walked through it.
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